The Chance: In My Mother's Words
by Miss Meggie
Summary: Chyler Series: Tatum finds her mother's journals and sees a side to her mother she never knew! I own nothing but my characters!
1. Chapter 1

In the back of the attic Tatum found a box marked "Chyler" in her father's somewhat shaky handwriting. "How the hell did you get this up here daddy?" she murmured opening it. It dawned on her these were things her father couldn't have around because they hurt his heart. Scraps of fabric, her drawings, perfume, pictures and finally what appeared to be a collection of journals. A letter lay on top of them. She opened her mothers handwriting greeted her.

_Tatum,_

_My love its ok I want you to read them and your girls to read them and your girls if they one day exist ! I may not always be here for you and I want you to know me and learn from my journey and remember I love you~ Mama _

It was dated the day she was diagnosed Tatum realized. She dug through finding the one with the earliest date.

_7-13-99_

_So, today was my first day of high school and in a new town too. Pentucket high is pretty average. What's not so average is the Cena boys. Sean is a complete sweetheart who befriended me in math. He's cute and funny has a great smile. But dear lord his brother John is easily the finest thing I have ever seen. All I kept thinking was "Oh My God! Oh My God! " He is so far out of my league though… I felt something when he shook my hand… but maybe its all in my head. Either way I think I'll like it here…until tomorrow…~Chy_

"Mama, you need help up here?" Tatum's oldest Ashton who had just turned twenty led the way up the attic stairs. Followed by seventeen year old Jaylyn and fourteen almost 15Canden.

"Hey girls I found Grandie's journals and I have strict instructions to read them you guys game?" all three nodded setting in the floor around their mother.

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**AN: I know its short guys but I'm just getting my feet under me with this one so stick with me… and pretty please review! Meg…**


	2. Chapter 2

Tatum read a few more entries to the girls before her nephew Asher called them down for lunch.

"Ash…where's your dad bud?"

"Still cleaning out Gramps' garage."

"Hey Monkey butt!" Tatum called pulling Holden's attention away from the picture of him at about 5 wearing one of his dad's shirts and a mysterio mask. Backstage at Raw.

"You ok?" she asked.

"I can't believe their both gone… I just never thought…"

"Its ok some part of me thought they'd live forever too." Holden looked over at his sister. "What's that?" he nodded at the book in her hand. "Mom's journal this one's from her freshman year of Highschool."

"Nuh uh…"

"Yep come on lets go eat and I'll show you I've gotten to meeting Dad and making friends with Uncle Sean."

They sat down with their sandwiches and Tatum began to read aloud. Tatum's girls and Holden's boys Felix, Anthony and Asher gathered around as well.

"Should we wait for Emmie And Deck and their kids." Holden asked. "Deck will be here later with Paris and Emmie had to work late.. So remind me to get Bennett and Lissette from Derrick." Tatum said.

"Shit was I supposed to pick up James for Uncle D." Ashton asked.

"I think so… shit we left poor Jamie at day care…I'll go with you to get him." Jaylyn said hopping up.

"Don't read without us…" Jaylyn Hollered in true Cena fashion.

Upon everyone's return Tatum looked are around the kitchen everyone in various states of repose. Waiting for her to begin and so she did.

_7-30-99_

_Billy Eckhart can kiss my ASS! He said I was a bad kisser. He's wrong!!_ _John kissed me to prove him wrong that's right I said John not Sean… and I have no idea what I've gotten myself into with him but I know I don't really want out of it._ _John said he was doing it "In the intrest of science." I may not know shit about any other science mumbo jumbo but I know this much chemistry that it factor whatever you want to call it John and I have it in spades. Man can that boy kiss. I've been kissed before but not like that. Absolutely everything went still for me the wind stopped blowing time stopped moving my heart stopped beating…it made me want to have sex right then and there…" _Tatum laughed as the some of the kids cringed. "You guys wanna read these you'll have to get used to it. Your grandparents really really liked each other to say the least."

Ashton scowled "The world doesn't stop when I kiss Brett…"

"What they had was rare…precious it doesn't really exist anymore in today's world." Holden told his niece. Tatum continued .

"_I wondered what John would taste like I expected him to taste like beer but he didn't…instead it was S'mores they were making them at the party for some odd reason..I guess the stoners in the corner wanted some..apparently he ate one before kissing me… now campfires will never be the same for me!_

"Aw, now that just cute…" Ashton said

"Don't you mean nauseating?" twenty two year old Felix said.

"Why you always gotta be the cynic…"Ashton muttered popping him upside the head.

"Stop it you two!" Holden said. Canden teared up. "What Candy?" Holden asked. "Nothing just when you talk I hear Grandpa sometimes."

" Come here Teenzy…" Holden pulled Canden into his lap. John had dubbed Canden "Teenzy." because was so tiny at fourteen she was only 4'10. She cried harder "Damn it Holden!" Tatum scolded handing Canden a tissue.

"What I forgot!"

Tatum restarted reading.

"_I'd of stayed right there kissing him forever but he made us stop spouting off crap about me not being legal and being "Sean's" whatever that means… He told me to make sure I didn't love Sean like I'm some stupid little girl who can't make up her mind! I mean I don't love Sean not that way or do I ? I mean I could… it doesn't help feeling as though I 'm connected to John as if someone has strung a wire between us and if we get to far away from each other I feel his pull. Things are tense in every sense of the word…I forced him to touch me yesterday because I am a masochist and to be spiteful. I hid the remote and refused to move so he'd have to reach around me to find it._

On the couch that day…

"Pretty Baby give me the remote…" he asked almost sweetly.

"No." I was watching real world and was not going to watch any more sports center. He lunged for the remote practically landing in my lap. I shoved the remote behind my back and down into the couch cushions. "Gimmie!"

"You want it come get it." Oh he took that the wrong way… crap no one looks at me like that shit am I in major trouble. I hope the fear and the want didn't show on my face as I hopefully calmly set my hands in my lap. Sitting Indian style I wait for him to make his move. He moved forward reaching around me careful not to touch. What did I have the plague. He was going to have to touch me if he wanted the remote it was directly behind me between the cushions. His face mere millimeters from mine I could breath his breath and he mine. He reach out tickling me. Unfair. Dirty pool. Everyone knows I'm ticklish. I fell forward into him laughing. I could smell his cologne as my face landed in the crook of his neck.

"Ha ! Victory is my mine Pretty Baby!" the remote now in his possession. I leaned back looking at him.

"Why do you call me that?"

"Because that is what you are this pretty little thing I can never have or touch…" he moved strand of hair behind me ear looking at me so intensely I thought I might actually burn. He was going to kiss me I could feel it practically taste it.

"John! Phone!" Matt hollered Damn it Matt kill my chances why don't ya!

"Coming!" he called back and was gone within seconds like nothing ever happened.

_8/27/99_

_John has a girlfriend…Liz! She goes to our school and I know its not right fair or even rational but I hate her with a fiery passion. Or really I hate the way he is with her all lovey dovey sick puppy shit! He picked Me & Shawny up from school today… she was all leaning on his car looking slutty as always by the way she dresses like a Hollywood hooker a cheap Hollywood hooker but more on that later…I wanted to cry but didn't he was looking at her like he looks at me touching her and brushing her hair out of her face. I wanted to cry I wanted to punch him in his entirely to perfect face…I wanted to puke…I wanted to crawl off and die…He did this on purpose flaunting her in front of me to hurt me. Well if he wanted me to hurt I was going to have him writhing in agony…who knows maybe I will date Sean. Chyler Grey is not a woman to be fucked with looks like Johnny's gonna learn the hard way!_

"Grandie had a mean streak I dig that!" 18 year old Tony said.

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**AN: It is a little longer hope you guys liked it ! Please review! More to come later… ~Meghan**


	3. Chapter 3

Embry picked up one of the journals. Her sister had just finished one they were trying to go in order with them. Embry curled into the couch and read. "Tatum listen to this. "

"June 6th 2003..."

"John's getting married and not to me. A stupid dream I know but I held onto it. I told him he was making a mistake and that I knew that because I knew him like the back of my hand. I told him I loved him. Not that it did any good. I kissed him good bye because I needed it. It hurt. It still hurts… he's promised to another and I'm dying inside. I guess our friendship will be reduced to a passing acquaintance… I'll miss him. I'll continue to love him. I'll move on I'll let him be happy."

Embry read on.

_1-19-04_

_I got into the exchange program and will be spending a year abroad in Paris… PARIS!! I can't believe it I'm so excited… sad I will be leaving Sean but we need a break anyway things are getting weird again… I think this last time was our final attempt at more than friendship. I just don't love him not that way I mean he gets me and isn't a bad kisser but I just can't take it any farther. I will only admit it in the confines of this journal but John is a big part of that. So, I'm starting a new adventure with a fully open heart! Wish me luck… because I'll need it and because Sean's maniac driving ass is taking me to the airport._

Sean Cena drove his best friend to a tiny airport outside of West Newbury. She was spending a year abroad in France.

"It'll be fine its just France you can still call me." he told her bravely in a attempt to stop her sniffles as held her hand.

"Yeah," she took a deep breath "Just France… only you Sean…"

Against my better judgment I kiss her goodbye. "See ya baby…"

She hugs me tightly one last time. I breathe her in. smoke and flowers.

"See ya Shawny…love you…you're always gonna be my best friend ya know…"

"I know I love you too Chyler." I let her go. She's walking away now. With her natural little sway. She's on the plane.

I remember what mom said if you love something set it free…

_3/24/04_

_I love Paris its everything I thought it would be and more. I've met the most amazing man. His name is Jean-Paul he's an artist with so much talent and passion. Whether I will give myself to him I am not sure… the only real task ahead of me is to tell Sean._

Sean's phone rang out Chyler's ring tone.

"Hey beautiful girl…how's Paris everything you thought it would be."

"So much more… I love it here… its so me." Sean laughed "I bet so baby."

"Oooh and I met someone his name is Jean-Paul he's an artist and so handsome…"

"You love him?" Sean flopped down on his bed.

"Maybe a little how's Boston ? and you? and the others?"

"Slow down girl… and no I won't forget to tell you anything I have a list."

Chyler ended their conversation with an "I love you."

" I love you more." Sean said

John walked into Sean's room "Was that Pretty Baby?"

"I really wished you wouldn't call her that."

"Why?"

"It implies that you care more than you actually do."

"You wouldn't know the first thing about what I feel for Chyler."

"I know what she feels and there are times I hate you for what you do her!"

"What I do to her? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you leave her dangling until your ready to toy with her again. Do you even know where she's at dude? She's in freaking Paris for the whole year dating some hoity toity Frenchman! For a whole damn year! You've got her dude. I'd kill to be you… but no what do you do? You're marrying the sluttiest person I have ever met… why because Chy freakin' scares you because she's real and doesn't take your shit. When you gonna man up and say to yourself that's who I love? Huh? Because I don't wanna give her up but if you love her the right way I will."

_4/16/04_

_John showed up on my doorstep last night saying "I want to see Paris the way you see it through your eyes" So I showed him. Also I won't be giving myself to Jean-Paul or anyone else. Why? Because no else is John …I know its stupid to wait for him but wait for him I will._

Embry turned the page…

A picture of her parents fell out. Her mother looking very Parisian in a wine colored turtleneck silver sequined hat and skinny black jeans. Her dad looked like his usual self next to her mom the fashion plate. In jeans a West Newbury PD hoodie and his camo red sox cap turned backward. Behind them stood the Eiffel tower. She realized they looked like a couple even then in their hug-like pose. She flipped the photo over "John & Chy 2004 John's private Paris

tour."

Paris 2004

There was insistent knocking at Chyler's door "J'arrive J'arrive tiens on Jean-Paul." she put in one last pin and went to answer the door.

She opened the door there stood John leaning on the door frame as though he owned the place.

"Johnny…" she said in breathless shock.

"Your French is getting good Pretty Baby…"

"What are you doing here?"

"Whose Jean-Paul?"

"Jesus you have the hearing of a bat you know that? What are you doing here Johnny?"

"That dress is pretty." he nodded over to the black silk halter dress in the corner she was currently mocking up on the mannequin.

"Quit avoiding my question…"

"I'm here with the Wwe. Happy? That slinky little black thing is for?"

"Jean-Paul's gallery showing… he's my boyfriend." he was giving her the look that set her skin aflame again.

"He make you happy?"

"Does it matter?" he shrugged "You look good baby… missed you."

"How's Liz?"

He was silent.

"So I want to see the city through your pretty eyes. Give me a tour?"

"Now?"

"Is as good a time as any…"

"alright." she got her purse and hat. Jotting down a quick note to Jean-Paul should he drop by.

"Ok Johnny I'm all yours." she smiled up at him.

Chyler really enjoyed their day. Showing him all the sights dragging him through the louve against his will. Prying him out of the local patisseries and restaurants . They stood and watched a local painter paint on the side of the street market for a good fifteen minutes. All the while holding hands… no kisses though it made her sad. This was still as close to acting like couple as they'd ever gotten. Finally dragging John's wine drunk ass to the Eiffel tower for a picture. She handed her camera to a passerby she'd flagged down. They stood facing one another John's hands resting at her waist. Her hands landing on chest. "Now smile and pretend you like me." Chyler Joked.

"I alot more than like you…" John admitted drunkenly.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I hope you guys are enjoying this please keep reviewing… Meg**

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_1-5-05_

_I am on the plane back to West New. I learned so much about what I want and who Chyler really is in Paris. Made me feel I had a place in the world. 1 don't really want to come home because there I belonged to no one I had no rules or expectations put on me there. I feel I've come into my own and are somewhat worldly. I am so excited to see everyone though…I will probably tackle-hug Sean! Wonder if Johnny's home?_

Walking off the plane Chyler caught sight of him. Sean. She ran nearly knocking over innocent bystanders. Security was going to get her but he stopped them. She dropped her carry on launching herself into his arms. She kissed him firmly on the mouth. "Hi!" she greeted.

"Hi." he returned with a laugh "Miss Me?"

"Always… now not that I'm not happy to see you but I thought my parents would be here."

"Busy with your welcome home party be sure and act surprised."

She laughed. "I will…"

Chyler sat with her back against the car door. Hands gesturing wildly as she told Sean of her every moment in Paris up til now. Even telling him about John's visit it stung a little less because John had already told him about it. Seeing his brother through Chyler's eyes was always a experience… and he never got used to it . To be seen in that light was a blessing whether John knew it or not. He made her sparkle. As painful as it was for him at times he still wanted her happiness more than his own.

After the party had come to an end the guests gone she escaped to her room and there on here bed was "Their Paris photograph" as she so fondly called it an 8x10 in a ornate silver frame. Stuck to John's face was a post note in his scribbly handwriting "Call me so I can welcome home properly sorry I missed you Pretty Baby." his number written beneath that ending in "John." she smiled dialing his number she got his machine.

"Just following the directions on the post it call when you can . Bye Johnny."

She removed the post it. Sticking it in her journal. She set the picture on her dresser and prepared for bed.

She was warm. She was comfy. She was dreaming a really nice dream. The cranberries singing about a boy leaving them breathless punctured through her time down by the river with John. Her phone vibrated her pillow. She really mustn't move she thought he'll go away… she thought. The other part of her brain took over it was John on that phone not just anybody but her John… he can still wait. It kept ringing. Her John sure was persistent. Her hand claimed the blaring device. "Hello…" she croaked in a throaty whisper.

"Hey pretty baby…." his rich baritone filled her ear. A girl could get used to hearing that voice in the morning.

"Did I wake you?"

"Yes but its ok not like I'm still on Paris time or anything." she teased.

"Where the hell are you this week John?"

"Wisconsin…"

"I want to make a cheese joke but I won't…"

"Glad to be home?"

"I loved Paris but I missed home so yeah…How's life and Liz and work?"

"Life is great Liz is I don't wanna talk about it and work is so busy….I really did want to be there to welcome you home I just couldn't get away."

"Well this works its private enough but not intimate enough to get you in trouble."

"Sometimes I want to get in trouble with you…"

"We can't open that can of worms remember you don't really want me I'm just a distraction with curves in all the right places."

"Your more than that and you know it…"

"Am I ?"

"Yes."

"Prove it."

Silence.

"That's what I thought…listen John it was nice talking to you but I need to go."

"Chyler don't-"

"Bye John." she hung up.

She and John talked on the phone on a weekly basis for nearly six months before Liz caught on putting a stop to it. The next thing she would hear about him was through his mother she found out John had broken off his engagement. When he came home for the Christmas and New Year Holiday it would change their lives.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Just so you all know the asterisks will incidate flashbacks/ third person pov! Thanks and review meg **

_New Years Eve 2006_

_Sometimes in life you just have to give in. that wasn't my intention when I went in search of him finding him in the basement of his parents home. I stood on the bottom step my feet aching. I had taken off my shoes before descending the stairs. I watched his back muscles working beneath his shirt as he beat the crap out of the unsuspecting pinball machine…"What did the pinball machine ever do to you Cena?" I say silence is all I got for my trouble. Ok you're mad at me." I flipped on the radio and Maroon 5's She Will Be loved poured out of the speakers. He turned and He looked at me as though he'd never seen me before and somehow still managing to make me feel as though I was always his like he knew exactly the way god had made me. His gaze swept over me my body temperature rose I hoped I wasn't blushing his eyes now seemed stuck on the red heels in my right hand. Unstick your tongue from the roof of your mouth and speak Chyler I commanded myself…"I'll make you a deal…play me." I nodded at the pool table. "I win you tell me whatever its is that's bugging you …you win I leave you alone like you want… but first can you help me take my hair down I'm getting a headache from the pins." I tossed aside my shoes. "Sure…" a tiny smile tugged at his lips he walked over. Letting him touch me was a bad idea.. He placed his hands on my shoulders his thumbs caressing the back of my neck slowly working out the knot at the center of the back of my neck. my head fell forward a satisfied sigh tumbled from my lips. "How many pins?" He whispered . No that didn't sound sexual in the least little way John _

"_Ten." I barely manage to respond He began removing the pins and combing his fingers through my hair. I speak only to keep myself awake. "At least tell me what I did to piss you off John." _

"_Nothing…" _

" _Don't lie it pisses me off…" _

"_Its nothing you did ok hell I did it."_

"_I am sorry about you and Liz you know…I didn't want to be right." She tossed her hair. The flowery scent of her shampoo hit him. "Thank you that's so much better…" I smile at him over my shoulder I must have affected him he's making a funny face. "I'll rack up." I say. He got the pool cues. Handing me one. _

"_I'm not mad that you were right about the whole Liz thing. It's the giving up something before I realized how important it was." _

"_What did you give besides a whiny possessive blonde? Stripes or solids" he laughed " I think you know full well what I gave up…stripes" "I broke sinking a ball in the nearest corner pocket. _

" _I never went anywhere… your shot." _

"_So I can have your friendship just not anything else right?" he sank two balls with one shot. _

"_damn I'm so gonna lose… who says friendship has to be where it ends?" I leaned over the pool table and was close enough to touch him. _

"_Your dating my brother so you are so completely off limits." _

"_I'm not dating Sean." I took the shot and missed. _

"_damn I like playing with Sean better he sucks so I win." I tossed my hair over her shoulder teasing him again and enjoying it . _

"_But you kissed him!" _

"_No, he kissed me but whatever it was just a new years kiss…harmless." "Does Sean feel that way?" _

"_Go ask him he's upstairs making out with January Cates." "Good for him." John laughed "That girl is slutty he might catch something." _

"_Still protective I see…" _

" _To the death…its your turn." _

"_So if I said I was done fighting this thing that we have what would you say?" _

"_That I'll believe it when it happens!" _

_He dropped his pool cue and stalked toward me till my back hit the wall. The coolness of the surface on my bare skin calmed my nerves. He took the pool stick I held away and set it aside carefully never taking his eyes off of me it was creepy and sexy all at the same time. Don't ask me why still haven't figured that one out._

" _Why are you looking at me like that?" _

"_Pretty baby if you have to ask you underestimated the power of you in that dress." _

_With that his lips swooped down on mine like a switch being flipped she kissed him back. I've never been kissed like that in my whole life not even by him. It was primal is the only world I can think of along with passionate and needy. I honestly thought as his fingertips skated up my thigh he's going to screw me right here right now against the wall. Romantic stuff huh? I probably would of let him if Carol hadn't interrupted us. Who am I kidding there is no probably to it I'd of fucked him on the pool table given enough time. But she did interrupt us and he just stopped kissing me. The said I knew where to find him when I was ready for more. The question is am I really ready?_

"I'm not sure I want to read the next entry." Tatum said.

"Oh hell I do… give it here mama." Ashton said

"Ashton Samantha!" Holden scolded his niece

"What?"

"Those are your grandparents."

"Oh I stopped thinking of them as that like ten entries ago they are more like characters in a novel now." Aston read aloud.

_1-4-06 _

_Its just days after what I've dubbed the "Pool game incident." he waiting on me to make the next move I'm so scared. If we do this there will be no going back and I will undoubtedly hurt Sean. That's the last thing I want to do hurt him. I feel it in my bones though John is meant to be mine. Okay I'm going over there now but what do you wear to seduce someone I have no idea god I really need female friends. No way in hell am I asking Sean for help he'd suggest my lucky care bear panties…Hm, John always says I look nice in lavender so I guess I can wear the stuff I got…my baby blue beanie the black cashmere turtle neck I made myself in France. Jeans my brown suede boots and red leather coat should be warm enough since I'm walking the four block to his house and its snowing. He had better be worth it is all I have to say._

Decker came down the stairs "I found a box in Daddy's handwriting it says pieces of my life. There is a blue beanie it looks like mom's and ton of other stuff too." every woman in the room even his 13 year old Paris looked ready to bawl. "What?" he asked.

"He kept it." was all Embry said.

_1-5-06_

_I escaped John's grasp though only momentarily to make this entry for once un my life I have no words to describe last night. How do you describe something you never truly expected. I didn't expect it to be as intimate as it was which sounds stupid. Or for it to be as soul binding as it was, I am bound to him in all ways now. We or at least I hurt Sean. I feel guilty though john told me I shouldn't…_

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She stripped down and he continued brushing his teeth. She stepped into the shower "Man, you sure are a pretty sight you know that baby." she yanked the shower curtain into place. "Now, don't do that your obstructing my view."

"That was my intention."

"We did nothing wrong Chyler ."

"I was…"

"You were perfect Chyler…"

"They all know."

"So. We are adults Honey ."

"Sean will know….and he'll think I've betrayed him."

"Then he's stupid. Chy I love you that's just facts. Things to their natural progression. Please please don't regret it because I don't."

"I don't regret it all…" she sniffed crap he'd made her cry great. He stuck his head through the curtain. "People will think what they think and say what they will say no matter what so I say we just be happy." he kissed. Her "Guess what?" he asked.

"What!"

"I love you and I saved you some hot water…"

She laughed that was his intention "I love you too and thanks."

"Going to head down and get us some breakfast so hurry." and he left.

_**************************************************************_

_In his mind he'd already dealt with our every hurdle and I hadn't even had my coffee yet! That just plain pissed me off it was so much easier for him. I've decided to write Sean a letter a goodbye of sorts so he knows that no matter who we are and what we had we have to let each other go it's the only fair thing to do._

Tatum called her Uncle Sean the only remaining living Cena brother.

"Hey Uncle Sean we're cleaning out Mama and Daddy's stuff before we sell the house.." she sniffed back tears. "anyways do you want anything I'll send Jay over to get you ."

"yeah sure I could use some fresh air…"

Sean arrived at Chyler and John's place. It was merely a shell to him now. A shell of what had lived here. He saw chyler's journals strewn on the coffee table.

"you found them I see…"

"yes I'm reading them to I just got to something about a letter she wrote you." Tatum said "Yeah she liked to write everything down. I have the letter with me if you wan to see it." he fished out his wallet with hands that shook with age.

"I never really understood what your mother meant in this letter until you where born Tatum… I only fully understood what it meant after your Chy got really sick and John gave up what he loved to care for who he loved more…. Here I'll read it to you I don't need my glasses I have it memorized."

He pulled out the letter that had yellowed with time he sat down on the love seat.

"Sean, I'm writing you this today because I know we are over. I regret nothing and love you deeply in ways I can't express. It is my sincerest hope that you can look back on what we had with a smile and be grateful for what we learned from each other. Loving you has made me a better more complete person. I will always love you just not in the so want for me to. I know my loving him hurts you and for that I am truly sorry. You deserve more than I can give you Sean so I'm letting you go. I want for you to find what I've found. Feeling at home when you look in someone's eyes knowing without a single solitary doubt that when god created that person he had you in mind to spend your life loving them. I believe in fate wholeheartedly. You where fated to be the best friend I have ever or will ever have. John was fated to be my soul mate. I can't love you both it wouldn't be fair so I let you go praying you find happiness… please let me go too because I can't be truly happy knowing you've held on to something that will never be…I hope in finally giving John my heart I haven't lost my place in yours. You mean more to me than you will ever know and I am eternally grateful you are in my world. I love you. Always, Chyler." Tatum was silent.

"wow…" Holden. said

"Keep reading Tatum." Sean finished pointing to the diary

_4-19-06 _

_I have been to busy with life to write as of late but today warranted an entry…John showed up randomly on my doorstep. He said it wasn't specifically for sex that was just a bonus…_

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Someone was knocking on the kitchen door. "Sean for the last damn time we cant have our Gilmore Girls marathon… until I finish Wuthering heights for my lit class." she said waling to the door never looking up from her book. She reached for the knob she caught sight of John the glass cut in the door. She squeaked opening the door. "John!"

"Gilmore Girls Huh?

"Its our guilty pleasure…come in…" she stepped back to let him in he stepped in. he pulled her to him kissing her deeply. The classic novel in her hand hit the floor. As he lifted her off her feet. Kicking the door closed.

"Your parents home?" he murmured against her lips. "No…"

"Good its gonna get noisy…"

"John Felix Anthony!"

"What? I'm just saying' you really do have issues being quiet!" he picked her up carrying her upstairs.

Making love in her childhood bedroom made chyler feel as if she'd committed some unspeakable sin . Sometimes being a sinner was fun though. She thought smirking as they lay recovering from a rather energetic bout of sex.

"What you smirkin' about…."

"Nothing…."

"Uh huh sure…"

"No really nothing going on in my head at all."

"Now, I don't believe that for a minute…"

"Do you believe in soul mates… that somehow our souls are the same like in wuthering heights? The book says whatever souls are made of his and mine are the same…"

"Whatever it is that makes up the beauty of who you are…I sure as hell hope that's in me somewhere… I know something within me recognized you as mine from the start no matter how hard I fought it." her phone rang.

"That would be Sean needing help in bio…" she picked it up. "Ugh dude I'll be there in thirty…" she hung up.

"Do you mind very much""

"No I need to catch my flight back in like 45 anyways…"

"You flew all this way for nookie?"

"No, because I couldn't stay away one second longer… now don't go getting all weepy."

"I'm not…"

John had dressed and she'd kissed him good bye. Watching him as he headed for his rental but before he could he was met by Sean on the front walk they stared each other down saying things chyler couldn't hear from her bedroom.

Meanwhile outside…

'"So she's not a phase…"

"No Sean she's not I love her…"

"So do I…"

"Then set her free…"

"Promise me you won't hurt her promise me on grandma's grave…"

"I promise Sean…I love her I do she's my life now…"

"She's the one true friend I have in this world…"

" I know and I'm not taking that from you…I'm sorry I've hurt you…You're the reason I fought this for so long because she was yours…"

"Certain parts of her… only I understand so if she comes to me for something and not you… don't be hurt she doesn't intend to hurt you by telling me her problems…"

"Okay…lets hug because she's watching…"

"all I ask is that you her happy as she deserves to be…" he hugged his brother.

"I will…"

"Here she comes…" chyler bounded over to John side giving him a quick hug.

"Sean I told you I was coming to your place…"

"But you have food…"

"jack ass…" she kissed Sean's cheek.

"Well baby I really gotta go I love you…" John kissed her and got in the car,

Chyler and John stood waving bye.

"I no worries Chyler ten bucks says he flies home for some nookie again in two weeks.'

"Sean!"

"Well I know my brother now Gilmore girls or biology home work…"

"You are terrible… you know that…"

"Yes but you love me…"

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"_I'm not completely sure went down out there today but they seem better after it whatever it was…_


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey y'all get this…" Ashton walked from the kitchen with a jar of peanut butter and a spoon the journal in her other hand.

"In taking on the WWE job in order to be with John I feel as though I've lost myself in it… what happened to the girl who wanted her own fashion line. I thought this job would give me more time with John but as my success has grown I barely see him except for in ring stuff, occasional sex if we are that lucky and when we are sleeping next to one another. At least when I waited for him at home he was just mine…now I share him with the world every moment of everyday…we have no privacy and I feel him slipping away try as I might its scares me to think I might not be able to stop it. I don't want to lose him…"

"She was crying when she wrote this you can see her tears on the page." Ashton added upon finishing.

"Keep going." Jaylyn said.

"I've met someone and I didn't intend too. I told myself he was just a really nice fan who thought I was pretty… his name is Leland and it scares me how much I like him…"

"All the next entry says is he kissed me. I've hurt John so now we're over."

"Wow Grandma and Mr. Chapman…that's kinda ewww…" Canden said. Ashton shrugged and went back to reading on the floor next to Tatum's feet.

_5-12-07_

_Maria convinced me to go visit Leland not sure how smart this is… oh and John is back to ring ratting it up god I hate my life. How much longer til my contract is up? Maybe Mama can get me out of it. God I miss John. No, no I fucking don't just shut up Chy._

_5-13-07_

_I can check sex in a cave with a bad boy off my bucket list. As a rebuttal John is up to his old tricks of rubbing Liz in my face. Yay Me! I should call Sean but he might punch Johnny I'll wait._

_6-12-07_

_I've invited Leland on tour and when I told John kissed me basically saying we couldn't replace one another I know that I just want to avoid it. John and I keep making the same old fuck ups and I feel like its one big dance to a really old song we're making circles we need to change. Maybe Leland is the way. Maybe not we'll see. God I hope there isn't bloodshed. Here goes nothing you gotta love summer._

AN: I own nothing but the my characters I don't not own John Cena nor Leland Chapman I know some of the dates seem off but I had no real solid timeline so its all cool and I'm sorry its short but I just wanted to get something out to you guys hope you like it review please.-Meg


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Again I own nothing but Chyler! Sorry its so short covering old ground here so not as much is needed but it will get longer and thank you to my Beta!**

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_7-7-07_

_Today is supposed to be lucky. I'm not so sure about that but what I am sure of and what I have learned is this love has the ability to free you and to chain you._

_Leland is a great boyfriend funny easy to be with and laid back. I should be able to hold myself apart from John and love Leland deserves to be loved but I can't. John is there on the edges of my life. Always looking at me as though I've hurt him. I don't know how to fix things and our problems are still problems. I like Leland, he's sweet and thoughtful. He bought me stuff to sketch with, so my fashion line can be more than talk._

Chyler sat down with her sketch pad and pencils. She'd taken the aisle seat, John hated that. She smirked. He'd sit by her anyway. He sat down next to her.

"Brat." He muttered.

She laughed that bubbly sound he liked. She turned in her seat so she could face him. "Be still I'm going to sketch you."

"Haven't done that in awhile…"

"I miss it."

She started out shaping his eyes. That comfortable silence passed between them. Chyler sighed, finally able to relax a little.

"I know you hurt your shoulder at the house show last night, how is it?"

"Fine." He bit out.

"What crawled up your butt? I'm the one who can't sleep for shit."

"Why can't you sleep Pretty Baby?"

"Dreams…"

"About?"

"I'm drawing here…go back to shutting up."

He laughed. "Ok then."

_8-15- 07_

_I should never go home. It only leads to hastily made and down right crappy marriage proposals and sex on pool tables…How the hell am I supposed to hide the felt burn on my ass that Le didn't put there? And another fucking thing: John suddenly decides he has to marry me. Which wouldn't be so bad if he hadn't asked me in a hotel hallway out of the blue and post coitally on a pool table come on now dude…Wwould some actual thought and maybe some flowers kill you? Plus he just confused the fuck out of me! He wanted the break, not me! I'm with someone else…God I can't do this…it has me all twisted up! Enough for now I'm getting a headache!_


End file.
